DIUI #3 (aka Third time's a charm?)

With the arrival of AF and her smelly carpet bag last week, I heaved a sigh and picked up my phone. I contacted my RE's office on Friday and discussed my thoughts on the upcoming cycle. Today is CD4, and I started taking Clomid (well, Serophene) last night on CD3. On Friday, I go to the RE for a scan of the follies and (hopefully) to start the Pure.gon injections. Sub-cue FTW! Blech. It'll be lovely to see my belly dotted with bruises again; I'm SO looking forward to that. NOT. Mind you, I get to start those fun injections after a stop on Thursday afternoon at the ob/gyn's office for my annual PAP.

The ob/gyn (Dr. HandsomeBrit) is the same doctor who did my laparoscopy last April to remove the cyst from my right ovary. He is so caring and sweet. You know how you have some docs who are all business and just rush you in and out, barely taking the time to talk to you, and you feel like you're on a conveyor belt of (in)effeciency at their offices? Well, this guy is NOT like that. He's the hand-holding, sympathizing, talk-to-you-for-40-minutes-to-reassure-you-if-you-need-it type of doctor. He's a rare breed, and I'm glad he's in my city.

While I am very glad for that, I am also feeling a lot of sadness around seeing him later this week. You see, last year, after my lap last April, he followed up with me and proclaimed everything was great. The cyst was gone, there are no signs of endometriosis, my uterus was "lovely" according to him. He ended our appointment by saying, "Gil, I would be pleased to follow you through any pregnancy. Good luck with the IUIs." He smiled and sent me back to my RE for the next round. I went on my merry way, AF followed like clockwork, and that VERY next cycle, I had a chemical p/g and miscarried at about 5 weeks. So when I go back to the doc this week, some part of me will be thinking, "I should have had a three-month old baby with me." *sigh*

On another note, I talked to my mom last night. I try to call her every Sunday. My entire family is very far away from me, yet we are very close. As we were chatting last night, the conversation turned to our income tax and the refunds hubby and I will be getting this time around. All told, we ought to see some $1800 back. Not bad. Mom said, "So what are you going to do with the money?" I remained vague and said, "Oh, I'm sure we can find something to do with it." Mom replied, "It's already earmarked is it? I think you should take it and go on a trip." I shook my head and spoke, hedging a little. "No, it'll probably be a lot more mundane than that. Like paying off bills or something." Mom said, "You two deserve to have some fun with it. Enjoy it." I am sure my voice got rather quiet and I told her, "Mom, we're probably just going to save that to go towards IVF." I could hear the sadness in her voice as she spoke, "Oh, you're looking at that, are you honey?" It was all I could do not to cry. I sucked back the tears and managed to continue our conversation.

And that touched off a brief discussion of IVF, adoption, costs of both procedures, options, etc. I won't get into it all here, but suffice it to say, I am slowly reaching the end of my rope. Hubby and I have picked donors for the next few rounds if needs be. But I am not sure how much more we can do. I just don't know.

Right now, I'm just trying to focus on this week, taking my meds as I'm supposed to, and preparing to do the renovation work in one of our guest rooms. Anything to keep me busy. And I'm reading your blogs and sending much love to all of you.